EnergyPods at MetroNap. Milk Bar and ultraviolent beating not included.

When the MetroNaps service opened in the Empire State Building a few years back, it received a lot of press.

Strangely, for a $14 service in the heart of New York City, not a lot of journalists seem to have bothered to simply go over there and take a 20 min nap, so that they could write an informed review. I mean, sounds like a pretty easy gig on the clock for any writer, don’t you think?

Rebecca Traister from Salon.com is a real journalist, however, and went all Christine Amanpour on this hidden humanitarian story, politicking the powers that be at Salon to approve the time and travel expenses from her remote office on 11th St. to the MetroNaps headquarters on 33rd. How selfless.

As she notes towards the end of the piece, however, it is really difficult for someone who doesn’t particularly *need* a nap, and is there for a specific reason (reporting), to fully appreciate the experience. Evidentially she and her friends were a little more interested in whether the staff could be bribed into allowing another type of ‘nooner’ in the semiprivate EnergyPods.

I always thought MetroNaps was a lot of trouble to go through for a nap - I mean, you leave work, short your lunch hour (They do offer food delivery so that you don’t have to exchange sleep for meals, however) , do whatever it takes to get from your office to the Empire State Building, which I assume has your run-of-the-mill security procedure, then take an elevator up to the 22nd floor, check in, pay them $14, briefly nap fully clothed in some strange public orb-bed with a roomful of strangers, then shlep your butt back to work again. Meh - sounds like a wash rest-wise.

My idea of a nap it to strip down, get under the covers of my own bed, and konk out in private until I am damn good and ready to get up, which is usually 2-5 hours. I have known naps for many years - I consider naps to be a very good friend of mine - and you, dear MetroNaps, are no nap.

A key advantage of the “Snooze and Screw” over MetroNaps - a freshly laundered, 400-thread count “hugsy”.

Now, I understand that my flavor of nap is just not possible during the midtown workday, but lacking that ability, I don’t even consider this a remote substitute. In fact, I consider it nothing more then frustration. I mean, if I am going to pay $14 for a midtown nap, I just as soon go to Macy’s, by a nice pair of socks, then camp out on some nice leather sette in the women’s department, feigning the role of waiting husband. At least I get some socks - oh and no 20 minute time limit.

How about this? Book a suite for one night at the Four Seasons with a noon check-in. Head on over on your lunch hour, check in, strip down, take your nap, and leave $14 on the pillow for the housekeeper. Then go downstairs and say you were bitten by a rat and that you could not possibly stay at such an establishment. As long as you keep your nap under 2 hours they probably won’t charge you. I call this the “snooze and screw“.

Here’s another idea. Arrange a private meeting with your boss, and let them know that you will be incorporating a productivity-enhancing energy nap into your daily lunch hour and/or breaks. Get a note from your doctor for this - any doctor would write a note for that.

Beware of low-cost counterfeit MetroNap franchises when traveling abroad.

Bring a pillow and egg timer to work, get a “Do Not Disturb” sign for your cube, and proudly and publicly sack the hell out.

Believe me, the impression from your coworkers may surprise you (assuming you are not already office dead-weight).

Having a co-worker or supervisor catch you sleeping at your desk is one thing.

Finding out that a co-worker, has deliberately arranged to take said naps on their break time for productivity and/or health reasons with their supervisor, has kind of an opposite effect.

You are no longer a slacker - you are now either an enlightened productivity junkie or a differently-abled co-worker with a strong work ethic, working to maintain their productivity levels through physician-recommended coping strategies.

Either way, you’ve probably just elevated your office reputation.

Through napping.