I sweat like a pig.
There I said it.

Seriously, there is very little that is more miserable for me that being overheated.

It might surprise you that when I lived in California, in a town which is regularly in the 90’s from June to September, with rarely a cloud in the sky, and sees maybe an inch of snow about every 4 years, I was actually far more comfortable than in Fairfield County (and especially NYC).

In fact, while I lived there, I kind of forgot about my problem with sweating - except for when I would have the occasional suited summer business trip to Boston.

The major reason is that there is no humidity in Northern California, period. Its a dry heat. Stand in the shade, or in your house, and its not that bad. A lot of homes don’t even have AC. Plus, in California, the dress code is always casual.

On the East Coast, TOTALLY different situation. Even when I lived in NH before moving to California, I don’t remember it being this humid this often up here. Its awful. Its hot outside, its hot inside, its hot on the train and its hot in the subway - it permeates, everywhere, with solid A/C the only respite. Folks also like to dress up a little more - sometimes even calling you out on being underdressed (which never happens in California ). Most homes around here could use A/C but many do without.

Factoid: Cooling your home with Air conditioning in the summer is much more energy-efficient than heating your home. It takes far less energy to take the temp from 90-70 (20 degrees) than from 32-70 (38 degrees). Blazing Phoenix uses less HVAC energy per capita than New England.

Friday I could not wait for my New Haven train to NYC to arrive so I could get out of the heat - I stepped into the car, and it was WORSE. We had to go car to car to find one with working A/C AND didn’t have a stinky restroom. My ride home the next morning was worse - 6 AM and I was sweating the whole way (ok being hung over didn’t help).

My worst nightmare is the suited-up job interview in the city in summer - oh god. Its almost at the point where I have to book a car service into the city for these - its the only way I could possibly get from my house to the appointment without being a sweaty uncomfortable mess as a first impression. I do not know how people commute every day in a suit. Its madness.

Two weekends ago, I attended a wake and funeral at a funeral home and church, respectively, in NH. Neither was adequately air conditioned, and of course jammed with hot people. It was about 90, raining, and the humidity made sure that the heat got in every crack and crevice of the indoors. Indoors was outdoors, there was no relief - the entire world was a sticky greenhouse. There was suffering on every level that weekend. I actually looked forward to the 3-hour air conditioned drive home.

I spent a couple of days at a friend’s house in Boston recently, sleeping half-naked over the sheets honoring the small relief of a ceiling fan. As we were leaving, my friend mentioned ‘gee, it was pretty hot this weekend, I should have turned on the central air’. Um DYATHINK? Not having everyone have the same low heat tolerance as me is one of the worst parts.

Thankfully, I have at least one friend who shares my sweating problem. Actually, she has Hyperhidrosis, which is a clinical condition of excessive sweating of the hands and feet, suffered by about 1-2% of the population. Me, I just sweat the same places as other people, except 10x more.

Just knowing there is someone out there miserable like me is comforting. We should start a support group - in a meat locker somewhere.

In all fairness, when its cold, I’m the one who’s fine. But being cold doesn’t ruin your clothes, everyone heats their homes, and everyone has blankets, so I would gladly swap if anyone’s interested. I have had some battles at work over shared thermostats, usually with women.

Seriously, if everyone sweat(ed?) as much as I do, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. Its the frustration of being the only one.

This is the new Japanese air-conditioned shirt, which looks dumb with the fans on the back but I would totally wear it. Unfortunately, it only comes in size ‘Japanese XL’.

Speaking of cures, its not promising. I’ve looked into it. Supposedly Botox is being used to help but am I supposed to get Botox over my whole body (regularly)? There is also a surgery called an Endoscopic Thoracic Sympathectomy, but it’s specifically for hyperhidrosis, is quite invasive, has variable success, and can have some bad side effects.

I hate how it affects how I dress. Every day, T-shirt and cargo shorts. Going out? A Polo and pants if I must, but I won’t like it. I am very lucky to never had to really ‘dress for work’ in about 13 years.

Last week my wife was complaining about the heat. She was wearing a thin dress, I was in a suit. Good lord, how uncomfortable could that dress be?

Women have it good.
Here’s an example.

For 7 years, I worked in a hospital lab which was about 90% women. They were very trendy, wore nice clothes under their lab coats, and were always reading fashion catalogs during downtime.

In the summer, the lab would get VERY hot, as we were over the room which housed the incinerator or furnace or something.

The women started wearing short skirts or culottes (this story is the only reason I know that word) with open-toed shoes, so me and another guy decided we were going to start wearing shorts and sandals (which, admittedly, looks a little funky under a lab coat).

The lab administrator (a woman) put the kibosh on our new attire immediately - ‘for safety reasons’. Infuriatingly, she insisted that the women in the lab wearing short skirts and culottes with open-toed shoes (including herself) ‘was not the same thing’ - without giving any plausible explanation why whatsoever.

It was my only experience with sexual discrimination in the workplace.
In hindsight, I should have sued - not for money, but for a 12000 BTU AC unit.

Arrid XX is my best friend. I think last weekend was the first time I sprayed it over my entire body - I doubt that’s even recommended, don’t care. There are rumors about aluminum in anti-perspirant causing Alzheimer’s - again, don’t ca - wait, what was I saying?

I have tried some other ‘prescription-grade’ anti-perspirants, but most are wet roll-ons. They might work better, but using a wet roll-on just seems like such a bad start.

And BTW people, there is a difference between DEODORANT and ANTI-PERSPIRANT. Deodorant helps you not stink. Anti-perspirant helps you not sweat. They are not interchangeable, although there are some products which contain both. You will be quizzed later.

I remember being in Paris and losing my anti-perspirant, and going to a pharmacy for some - they didn’t have any - AT ALL! Just deodorant. wtf - parisans don’t shower OR use antiperspirant?

The first time I told my doctor about my sweating, he mentioned how caffeine and nicotine are the worst antagonists. Well, I have tried quitting both, and I still sweat, maybe not as much, but then I’m sweaty AND grumpy. Oh and being overweight doesn’t help either - but I’ve been a heavy sweater all my life, even before I got fat.

I wish I had some great keeping-cool advice, but aside from staying in AC and dressing down as much as you can I don’t have any secrets.

So, I’ve had my rant, got it out of my system, here in my shorts and t-shirt, in front of a desk fan, in my air conditioned basement.